My Classic Tranquil Country Lakefront Destination Wedding

I just returned from an annual business trip at The Otesaga in Cooperstown, NY. On Saturday night a wedding was held in one of the ballrooms and it got me to thinking… here’s a way to solve the Jersey/NYC wedding location debate: choose neither and have a destination wedding to upstate New York!

Michael loves the idea of a getting married on an island, but we didn’t think it would work for many of our guests, so we didn’t really pursue it. However, this place is within driving distance, so I spent my working weekend viewing it from a bridal perspective.

The biggest draw is the setting. The hotel is situated on the base of beautiful Lake Otsego. No other buildings are in sight- just the glimmerglass lake surrounded by rolling hills densely covered in trees.

Located in the village of Cooperstown, NY, in the historic ‘Glimmer Glass’ section- a lovely little town. Nearby is both a farmer’s museum and another museum featuring the New York State Historical Society’s collections; an opera house and theatre festival; and the Empire State Carousel (housed in it’s own little Carousel House!), plus the cutest little sheep farm. And, of course, the Baseball Hall of Fame. The hotel, a Top 50 golf resort open since 1909, has tennis courts, a pool, and the top-rated Leatherstocking golf course. (God I sound like a catalogue!) Cooperstown is deep in the country- the rolling hills and farms of upstate New York.

The hotel itself is gorgeous and has a shabby chic vibe (without the shabby part). Each room has a painted chandelier and a view of either the great lawn or the lake. The food is great, it has multiple bars, and the staff is amazing. Maybe I’ve been in NYC too long, but I cannot get over how friendly everyone is!

They brought this to me for my birthday!

The ballrooms are grand but with a country feel to them- striped chairs, flower patterned curtains, lattice covered windows. It gives the stately mansion a cozy vibe.

Cocktail hour can be held in one of the club rooms but the best choice is on the veranda. There are two ballrooms, on one of which can be split into two smaller rooms or opened up to fit well over 200 people. Lodging includes meals- their breakfast buffet is legendary. Our dinner menus are always great- every year I come back from the trip a few pounds heavier!

And there’s also the option of a winter wedding- the resort is usually closed between Thanksgiving and March, but will reopen just for weddings in the colder months- so you have the entire place to yourself, plus I’m sure the rates would be a steal.

I like the idea of being somewhere completely ‘other’- it’s not the shore, it’s not the city. If we do the summer time, our sports loving guests will have lots of options, and I think everyone would enjoy the beautiful, tranquil setting. It is a good 4-5 hour drive, though, and the hotel rooms aren’t cheap (although I haven’t gotten the wedding discounted room rate yet), so the question is, is this too much to ask of our guests? It’s almost guaranteed that many people will not be able to make the trip.

This is for real!

One thing I can be sure of, they would be wonderful to work with, since I already know the whole staff well- they’re great people. The manager already started telling me about extras you can add, like a fire pit and a s’mores station (!!!). They can set up a tent out on the lawn, or croquet or bocce ball. Plus, decorating would be so fun- this is the kind of place you can do cute, crafty DIY projects for, or just pretty flowers. No high-falutin concepts needed!

Okay, this is just a thought, so don’t go freaking out if you’re probably going to be a wedding guest and hate the idea of travelling- this is a long shot. In the meantime, enjoy the view!

We’re Moving!

I’ve been bad about posting but I have good reason- we’re moving!

We’d been planning to move in a few months but circumstances changed and we had to hustle and leave this month. We found a great place in Bushwick that’s brand-new!

On top of that, it’s been a busy time at work for me- we had to push up our moving date even earlier because I leave for a work trip tomorrow, and Mike starts a long-term assignment next week. Last month Michael started a new career. It’s been very exciting and he’s been very busy, which is wonderful, but made the move even trickier, especially because we’re doing it all ourselves.

I’ll be back with more details and photos, as well as other updates, after I return from my business trip and life calms down a little. In the meantime let me just add that we looooove our new apartment. We’d put up with a lot of crap at the old place, and it wasn’t until we moved to this one that we realized just how much it had been affecting our lives. Our new place is gorgeous and we’re so happy there already. It’s the first place we’re living in alone as an engaged couple, too! J

My Waterfront Clambake Summertime Super Beach-y Wedding

Michael and I have decided that if we get married in New Jersey, we’d like it to be in Asbury Park. We have several options we’re considering. I wrote recently about letting wedding stress get to me. At one point a couple weeks ago, I came across this idea, and spent the day putting together a great, laidback, casual-but-fun back up wedding plan. May I present…

The Beach Bar in Asbury Park

A couple years ago during Asbury Park’s revitalization, The Beach Bar opened on the deck of Convention Hall. This previously under utilized space was just begging for a bar like this- you absolutely cannot beat this location. You enter through Convention Hall or you can walk up the steps directly from the sand. The bar itself is indoors and has a row of seating there, but the draw, of course, is sitting directly above the sand and soaking in the million dollar ocean views.

And, the Beach Bar does weddings! You rent out the wings and choose a liquor package, then bring in a caterer. Rather than formal seating, you can utilize their fun lounge furniture for a great waterfront cocktail party vibe.

Really relaxed

Once you eliminate the standard ‘chicken or fish?’ seated dinner, you can get pretty creative with the food. With the lounge setting, a never-ending cocktail party would be a great option- a couple stations and passed hors d’oeuvres all night, with lots of great seafood options. My favorite idea was a clambake- I found a number of local caterers, including some very helpful people at Shore Catering and Lawrence Caterers, who do great lobster clambakes that can also be combined with BBQ packages for the ultimate beach party menu- think steamed clams, shrimp cocktail shooters and crab claws, burgers and barbeque chicken and whole steamed lobsters with drawn butter. Relaxed, fun and delicious.

And how easy would it be to decorate? This wedding demands a beach theme, and there are a lot of reasons beach themes are so popular- they’re fun, pretty and easy. Since the tables would vary in size and style, you wouldn’t need to coordinate large matching centerpieces. Just spread some shells and tea lights on the tables, and let the natural beauty of the ocean take center stage. The lights strung across the ceiling provide a romantic minimalism as well as light.

A cute sandcastle cake would fit perfectly.

Downsides- well, the inconsistency of weather. Temperatures at the beach are notoriously fickle- I would need to remind everyone to check the forecast for the shore and dress accordingly. Also, it’s an open air venue- if a storm rolled in, as my future mother-in-law quickly pointed out, rain + wind = wet guests. We saw this first hand last month!

 

Last, I’m still struggling with how ‘formal’ I want my wedding to be. I loooove the thought of this relaxed vibe; wearing a cute tea length dress, running down the steps barefoot directly onto the sand, slow dancing with my new husband while the waves crashed right in front of us. But there’s still a part of me that feels this is my only chance to ‘own’ a big old ballroom for the night and have a huge dance floor for getting down to Lady Gaga in a multi-thousand dollar dress. See, this is a side of me I’ve always struggled with- never wanting to miss an opportunity or my ‘only chance’. And I have to admit, I am getting a little caught up in the wedding world undertow- lately I feel the pull of BRIDE so strongly!

The Crystal Ballroom at the Berkeley Hotel

I always look for meaning or a connection in my venues- well, if you know me, you know I love the beach, and if you knew my mom, you know she really loved the beach. Our families love Asbury, and Michael and I both love the summertime.

So I have filed this under Plan B. Today, on this rainy, gray day, I’m going to comfort myself with visions of Michael and I, with rings on our fingers and our toes in the sand.

Bridesmaid’s Luncheon- Girls Gone WINDY in Asbury Park

A Bridesmaid’s Luncheon is, in fact, a real thing. Originally, the bridesmaid’s luncheon was a tea that all the bridesmaids and often the women in the family attended, sort of a proper version of a bachelorette party. Now, I’m not proper, and I do intend to have a real bachelorette party. But part of me longed for a nice tea. I recently inherited some of my mother’s lovely heirloom china and imagined a genteel luncheon with wine and cucumber sandwiches, and perhaps a crafting party afterwards. It's kind of weird, how wedding planning makes me crave things I never thought I'd be interested in.

Alas, as I’ve mentioned, my bridesmaids are scattered across the U.S. and my proper tea wasn’t meant to be. But, I did finally get everyone together last month and what the hell, I’m going to call it a bridesmaid’s luncheon anyway!

The three of us met at McLoone’s Supper Club in Asbury Park, which you may remember is one of the venues we’re considering. Michael spent the afternoon at his parents’ house but he offered to buy us a champagne toast in honor of the occasion. We were only too happy to accept.

My maid of honor (and sister) Stephanie gave a lovely, well-prepared toast. I don’t remember the exact wording but I think it went something along the lines of “Suzanne is wonderful and a great sister and will be The Best Bride Ever”. (Uh, whatever that even means.)

We picked the perfect day to go to the beach. We took a nice stroll in the drizzle and fought near-hurricane level winds to stop inside Convention Hall and then visit the Beach Bar. The Beach Bar is open air but the actual bar is indoors. We had an impromptu photo shoot amongst the storm scattered patio furniture and then decided to get a drink to weigh ourselves down. It was only prudent.

Not exaggerated!

(Psst- more on the Beach Bar to come… )

We swung by the Carousel House on our way out (more on THAT to come as well!) and saw a bride and groom pull up and hop out of a car for pictures!

We ended up staying out for several hours. So it wasn’t exactly high tea but it was a lovely day with drinks and friends and the beach!

Moving Forward

You may have noticed that I’ve been slacking on updating this blog. It’s not for lack of content- I have several things I’ve been meaning to post. It’s partly that it has been a busy month- Mike and I have been shuffling papers for updating our address, identification, insurance, banking etc, partly in anticipation of becoming a married couple soon and partly because Mike has officially changed careers. The career change is exciting; the paperwork, not so much.

To tell the truth, though, that’s not the main reason I haven’t posted. Right after we got engaged, I dove deep into planning. I wrote about how it was helpful for me to have a positive distraction from grieving my mom. I’ve noticed that I’ve lost interest in so many things since last summer and I was relieved to find I was finally excited about something again. I spent hours researching venues, and reading up on traditions I wanted to keep or toss, and looking at color schemes and fun crafts. I immersed myself.

But as time went on, the ‘happy distraction’ morphed. It started to highlight her death and gave me whole new ways to miss her. Weddings revolve pretty heavily around family. I was missing a lot of the help and insight my mom would’ve imparted. I was also starting to see how visible her absence would be, at the wedding of her daughter. Her death was becoming amplified, rather than alleviated, because of planning.

And I don’t mean to be overly morose or self-pitying, but it’s not just that she died. It’s how she died, and all the awfulness that surrounded it. The discord and confusion and agonizing over her care. It was a nightmare. To this day I can’t go to sleep at night without taking something to knock me out, or I lay awake and remember and cry. I’ll stop there because this is supposed to be a happy blog. Nobody’s life is easy, everyone deals with tragedy. I’m not special. I’m just saying it’s been rough. It’s hard to move on when so much is still unsettling- I can't simply grieve like a 'normal person.'

Still, I tried to move forward and focus on the positive parts of wedding planning. The happy stuff, like the sweet parts of the ceremony, the potential themes, the cool décor details. The fun parts. And I wanted to share it with someone. As every bride has learned, there is sooooooo much that goes into a wedding, and I was bursting with information and ideas. But yet again, I was smacked in the face with loss. Another reason a bride needs her mother is so she’ll always have someone to talk to who’s interested. Someone who wants to listen, who is excited for you, and with you, and someone whose intentions are always positive. I abhor gender stereotypes, but the truth is, this just isn’t my groom’s cup of tea. He’s making an effort, he deserves credit for that, but he really is super busy right now. (Specifically, working hard so we can pay for this damn wedding.) My friends all have busy lives, and/or varying levels of interest in the wedding. I get it. It’s not interesting to everyone. I know I should just accept that and get over it, but it still leaves a void that I’m hyper aware my mom would’ve filled. It’s hard not to take it personally when it’s so painfully personal.

The combination of grief and wedding stress has left me feeling alienated. It's hard to grasp the amount of work a wedding can be, and it's impossible to understand the despair I feel from losing my mom. Not that I would wish these feelings on anyone.

So the last couple of weeks, simply put, I have failed at getting over it. Instead, I’ve just lost enthusiasm. The wind has left my sails. And unfortunately, this is happening right when I need to make the important choices. The time has come to make a decision, and I can’t.

As a response to feeling hurt, I have avoided talking about the wedding, for the most part, and therefore avoided blogging. I was afraid that my posts would end up sounding whiny and self-pitying and sad and… ah… maybe come off just like the 6 or 7 paragraphs above this. Oops.

On the plus side, despite all this, Michael and I are doing great. He’s pretty busy, but the time we spend together is so good, and the one thing I know with absolute clarity is we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together and I’m incredibly lucky. Frankly, at this point I’d happily elope. I’m trying to get back on track by constantly reminding myself that the ultimate prize is Michael. I’ll have had a happy wedding the moment we put rings on each other’s fingers. I did know that, all along, but my focus has sharpened.

So I leave you, dear blog readers, with a promise to get back to posting, more frequently and much more happily! I think (hope) that’ll get me back into the swing of things. And I'm not going to slack on wedding planning anymore. I’m further investigating a final venue this weekend, and then I have given myself until the end of the month to sit down with Michael, go over the budgets and options one more time, and make a decision. In the meantime, no more sad stuff. I promise.

Venue Shopping- The Vineyard Edition

Wineries are popular spots for weddings. You’ve got the booze angle, beautiful flowering grounds, and a romantic, relaxed vibe. Now, New Jersey and New York City aren’t exactly known as wine regions- NYC is more famous for breweries and distilleries if anything, although NY State does have the Finger Lakes and parts of Long Island. And you may be surprised to learn that NJ actually has over 40 wineries.

I investigated three different venues, which I’ll share here:

Laurita Winery is in the western-most part of Monmouth County. The vineyard is lovely, and the space itself is striking- there’s a dining area, a cool bar and a loft for cocktails. The patio is also available in nice weather. They’re exclusive with one caterer, who has a variety of options. They serve their own wines exclusively, but also can bring in all other liquors.

Downsides- a little pricey; yet another location with a ‘no-shots’ policy (neither Mike and I are big shot takers, nor are the majority of my guests, but I hate the idea of being told ‘no’ to something like this when I’m shelling out tens of thousands of dollars!); and being out in ‘the country’, the hotels are limited and all a good 15+ minutes away. Not a big deal, but I’d prefer to give people closer options. (For us, too!)

Brooklyn Winery- yup, you read that right. They are the first winemaking center in Brooklyn. This place is very new and very cool. There are several options for renting, from one small room to the entire facility. Currently they do not have a hard liquor license, so you would buy one of their wine packages and bring in your own liquor- although by the time our wedding rolls around, that may have changed. You’d also bring in your own caterer- being a new place, they’re pretty flexible. The event coordinator is really sweet and I think I would love working with her.

Of course this place, being NYC, is a little expensive (for us) for what it is- the wine package, extra alcohol, and catering adds up quickly; but the space is so cool you wouldn’t need a ton of decorations. And it’s right in our own (sort of) neighborhood, Williamsburg. I love that.

Silver Decoy Winery, in Mercer county and less than 45 minutes form our hometowns, is a little smaller and doesn’t have a reception hall. Weddings are held under rented tents on the beautiful grounds. I believe they are open to several caterers- I found them through Falco’s Caterers, who also work with the Berkeley Hotel and many others.

I have to admit, this one has been on my mind for months- I just adore the picture with the luminaria walkway, and I loooove the idea of stringing paper lanterns across the ceiling, and decorating simply with vases of lavender. It looks so sweet and laidback and romantic. From the beginning I was hesitant to consider outdoor venues, because I didn’t want to spend the week before the wedding obsessively checking Weather.com. But when I imagine a rainstorm happening during our wedding, it doesn’t even faze me. Michael and I both love the rain (as long as we aren’t commuting in it!) and I think it could be kind of cool. Not my ideal situation, sure, but not a dealbreaker worst-case-scenario, at least.

So, this is definitely one of my ‘back up’ venues- if right now I’m investigating another location that I haven’t shared on the blog yet, and while I’m really excited about it, pulling it off would require a lot of work. So this is my ‘in case I lose my shit and realize I have no DIY skills, nor patience to deal with 10 different vendors’ Plan B.

Aren't the wineries so pretty? I'm hoping to head out for a tasting this spring. I promise to report back- after the buzz has worn off.

I Put a Ring on It

On Friday, Michael and I made our first marriage-related purchase- his ring!

We went to Jean’s Silversmith in the diamond district. A relative of my boss owns it and we needed someone reputable to appraise my rings. While we were there, we checked out some of the bands. I didn’t find anything that suited me, but we found the perfect ring for Michael.

It’s a high grade platinum band with a beveled edge. Mike tried on a few and really liked this one, and so did I. They also gave us a great price- we’d been prepared to pay hundreds more for lower quality than what we got.

One of my new Brooklyn bride friends was also shopping this weekend and had a similar result- a ring for her fiancé, but not for her. We have inspired each other to ‘buck up’- there’s still time, and it’s worth it for us to keep looking to find something we love.

I don’t want anything fancy, although I do want platinum to match my engagement ring, and Mike wanted platinum as well- seeing as it’s the only piece of jewelry he’ll ever own, he wanted to ‘go big’. He definitely deserves it!

Booze

Here’s something important to both of us at our wedding- the drinks. We’re not lushes (shut up! I’m NOT!) but we definitely like to drink when we celebrate- as does the bulk of our friends and family and, oh yeah, the rest of the world.

Several of the venues we’re investigating would require us to provide our own bar. We’d be hiring bartenders and renting glassware and equipment, but we’d be responsible for bringing our own liquor- and I’m actually excited about that! I love trying new cocktails, wines, and beers. Over the last few years, NYC has seen an abundance of old fashioned cocktails come back on to the scene, as well some amazing artisanal cocktails. I love Trophy Bar, Cornelius, Death & Co, and so many other places for their amazing drinks.

Despite its reputation as an extraneous wedding detail, I love the idea of serving signature drinks at our wedding bar. I’d love to highlight a few of our favorites, but I’ll also serve all the standards. So the signature cocktails would be a way to share a part of our lives at our wedding. Michael has a very Brooklyn-centric favorite drink, and I’d love to feature some of my favorite cocktails from around the neighborhood as well.

What I’m trying to figure out, is how many other drinks should I be prepared to serve??

I’ll surely have the standards- all different types of liquor with accompanying sodas, tonics, juices and liqueurs to make ‘standards’- rum&coke, vodka cranberry, martinis, etc.

Even if we don’t end up stocking our own bar, many venues require you to choose a liquor package- generally, a low-budget, no-name brand ‘House’ option, a premium, or Ultra premium. Which leaves you wondering… is Absolut ‘good enough’ for my guests? Do I need to spend the extra $1500 (or up to $3000 in many cases) so that they can opt for Grey Goose? Oy.

For self-catering, many liquor stores will allow you to return unopened bottles if you’re buying in bulk and arrange it with them ahead of time, so I’m not too concerned with overspending. BUT I also don’t want to end up with 20 different liqueurs and bitters that were opened to make a single drink, so I can’t go to town and buy absolutely EVERYTHING. The easy solution is to just have the standards, but this actually is an important detail to me- I want my guests to have lots of options, and to drink things that they like, and that are of a good quality.

I don't think these will be on the menu

I’ve found several resources for stocking a bar online so I know what the minimum I need is, and god knows I’ve done enough independent research ;), but for the hell of it, I’d love it if you would weigh in!

[Keep in mind this will be spring/summer- not the dead of summer, but definitely warm weather.]

● What’s your favorite drink?

● What’s your favorite drink at weddings or parties?

● What have you noticed as being very popular at large events?

● Any random favorite you’d like to give a shout out to? (For instance, I know my cousin loves Stoli Raspberry, and my brother’s been on a Southern Comfort kick.)

● I’m hesitant to have blender drinks because I think they might be too loud- would you be sad if you couldn’t have a frozen daiquiri or margarita?

● Do you think some ‘custom made’ drinks like sangria and/or rum punch would be popular?

● Beer or wine preferences? How large of a selection do you think there should be?

● Would you be likely to try a local beer or wine if it was on offer, or a new cocktail if you liked the ingredients, or would you be more likely to stick with your favorites?

● Non-alcoholic options- on a warm evening, is there anything you’d like to see offered besides soda, water and juice? Sparkling water, lemonade, etc?

● What do you think of ‘beer and wine only’ receptions? (Not our preference but one venue we looked at did have this restriction)

● What do you think of ‘dry’ receptions?

● What do you think of cash bars?

● What do you think of the bar closing for an hour during dinner?

(Neither of the three above are options we are really considering, but they’re hot topics over at the Offbeat Bride Tribe, so I’m just curious what my friends and blog readers think.)

● What do you think is necessary as far as the quality of drinks? Would you be okay with the ‘middle’ range, that includes brands like Absolut, Bacardi, and Jim Beam, or do you think top shelf should be made available to your guests?

If you just want to answer one or two questions, or just tell me what you like to drink, any feedback would be great! I know everyone will have different opinions, and I’d love to hear any and all. (All I ask is that you try to stay positive and be nice, please!) Thanks and happy drinking!