Checklist Progress- Vendors Galore!

I’ve been a terrible wedding blogger lately, but it’s partly because I’ve been being a good bride. The first 9 months of what is destined to be an epic 20 month engagement was all about day dreaming and wedding porn and crunching numbers to determine our options. Now comes the actual work- and checking off boxes on The List.

In the last couple months we chose our venue and booked the church. Now, it’s all about the vendors. Progress to date:

- Confirmed our photographer, my friend and former tennis coach David Kenas. Dave does sports photography as well as art and, as luck would have it, weddings. He’s a fantastic photographer, and I’m so excited to be working with a friend. Check out some of his work at dkshots.com.

- Chose our DJ, another easy decision- Sounds to Go DJs is owned by old family friends. The current owner, having taken over when his father retired, is my old neighbor and MRHS ’98 classmate Mike, whom I used to ride bikes with in a huge pack of kids in the

Cloverdale Circle

neighborhood we grew up in. My brother worked as a DJ for them for years in his twenties, they're a Best of Weddings vendor by The Knot, and they have a fantastic reputation. Score!

Congrats!

- Contacted a hotel for a block of rooms for the wedding night. It’s none other than The Berkeley Hotel, the place we’d looked into previously for our wedding. We won’t be getting married there, but I’m quite happy that we’ll be staying there on our wedding night, and hope our guests enjoy it too! It's an oceanfront hotel on a summer weekend, so it's not cheap. I’ll probably investigate a back up, but this is where I and much of the bridal party will be staying, so it's good to nail one down. We'll be signing a contract in January. Check!

The pool at The Berkeley

The view from the rooms

And aside from vendors, there’s been some other progress:

- Dress shopping. Gah. I should’ve known this would be my Everest of wedding planning. I am really indecisive, picky about fashion, not a huge fan of wedding gowns, still feeling a little weird about this whole ‘bride’ business, and in the middle of a fitness journey- which all adds up to blerg. I’ve been sort of shopping, but not fully. I made the mistake of falling in love with a dress, dreaming about it for 4 months, then trying it on and discovering it looked totally different from the pictures online. (Duh.) But, alas, I have given in and booked an appointment at Kleinfeld’s in November- they have a huge selection, and I love Say Yes to the Dress, so I figure it’s a good plan. (Today’s Friday and I’m only slightly embarrassed to admit that I’m really looking forward to coming home from my Strength from the Core class tonight to a SYTTD marathon. Living the fast life here in NYC.) The appointment is next week- fingers crossed!

My consultant, if I'm lucky ;)

- Centerpieces- the other bane of my bridal existence. I have made some progress there, though, and am currently getting quotes.

- Oh, and next week we get to pay another deposit to the venue. making it even harder to back out now. (JK, JK)

When I got engaged I signed up for The Knot to use their all encompassing checklist, and promptly became intimidated by the vast amount of work putting together a wedding can require. It feels really good to check things off now and have them disapear from view. To quote my Obama t-shirt, PROGRESS! Yes!

We have a Church!

For the past 10 months I’ve spoken almost exclusively about the reception, and neglected the part where we actually, you know, get married. So not long after we finally chose our reception venue, I called up my church and booked the date.

Michael and I don’t think this blog is an appropriate place to talk about our religious views, but one of the few things I had always envisioned about my wedding as a girl was getting married at First Presbyterian Church- Tower Hill, in Red Bank, NJ. Known to many in the area as ‘the church on the hill’, Tower Hill is a beautiful church- my mother always called it a Christmas card church. I wish I could find more pictures of the sanctuary- as far as churches go, it’s very pretty!

The grounds are lovely too and should make a beautiful back drop for family photos after the ceremony. Speaking of the ceremony, that’s probably the most nerve-wracking part- it’s a pretty long aisle I’ll be walking down! The sanctuary was renovated a few years ago and also has air conditioning- good news for my summer weddding! Also, the church in Red Bank is less than half an hour away from the reception at the Supper Club in Asbury Park.

My father and brother left the church years ago, but my mother, sister and I stayed members. My mother worked there for about 20 years, cooking the dinners for all the church’s weekly youth groups. I still think of that kitchen as hers. I practically grew up there- I was in choir, youth groups, handbells, attended and then taught Vacation Bible School and Summer Music camp 4 weeks out of the summer, and even taught Sunday school as a teenager. Even though I know longer attend, when I tried to envision our ceremony on the beach or in a garden or a room at a venue, it just didn’t feel like my ‘real’ wedding.

I live out of state now, but I still feel the sense of community I had there. When my mother passed away last year, her service was held at Tower Hill and I was astounded by the number of church members who came, people I hadn’t seen in a decade. My mom was a fixture in that church, and it’s the main reason we’re getting married there. I remember her telling me when I was young that couples usually got married in the bride’s church, and so the vision has stuck with me this whole time, walking down that long, red-carpeted aisle with the sun streaming through the huge windows. I can picture my mom in the front row.

So we’ve got a ceremony site, we’ve got a reception venue, I’ve already made inroads with our DJ and photographer- it looks like we’re really getting married! Let’s do this thing! Is it June 29^th yet??

We Have A Date and Venue!

It's official! We're getting married on June 29th, 2012, at the Supper Club in Asbury Park. (I will be officially nailing down the ceremony venue next week and I'll announce it then.)

I've already posted about the place, so I'll just link to that and reiterate a few of our favorite things- the lovely 1930s/1940s Manhattan supper club decor, the gorgeous ocean front views, the awesome location right on the boardwalk in the heart of Asbury, the fact that it's a place that means something to our families- Mike's parents LOVE the place, and my mom always loved going to shows there.

The only drawback is the size, but we'll be careful with the guest list and creative with the layout. I have a million decor ideas that I'm beginning to narrow down and fitting to our location, which I'll be sharing later.  For now I'll just share a few of my favorite pictures- and raise a glass to Friday, June 29th, 2012, the night I get to marry Michael. I can't wait!

Real Wedding- Brian and Jackie

A few weeks ago Michale and I were honored to attend the wedding of his old friend Brian to his lovely fiance Jackie.

All dolled up

Having previously been married in Texas, they were able to provide us a short but meanngful ceremony, then open up the night for lots of Jersey-style celebrating and fun!

Brian and his brother Jon, along with thier friends Dennis and Ryan, have been friends with Michael and each other since high school. They clearly enjoyed spending time together- and at the bar.

I LOVED that Jackie went with a short, adorable reception dress for her spring wedding. I snuck a shot in while she was busy chatting up her guests:

She looked gorgeous!

The reception was held at Jacques Recpetion Center in Middletown. The toasts were especially poignant and everyone had a great time. We can't wait to see so many of them again soon- first at Jon's destination wedding in Florida in November, and then at our wedding next June!

Congrats again Brian and Jackie!

I Hate That I Want a ‘Wedding’

How I went from “Let’s get married in an antique train car!” to “I wish I could afford this hotel ballroom.” in 11 neurotic steps.

Step 1. Immediately post-engagement, I know that I don’t want a traditional wedding. I’m not a traditional girl, I don’t want to limit my decorating choices to 2 matching colors, and I just don’t get chair covers. I used to have pink hair- I can’t have matching pink bridesmaid dresses! I’m joining Offbeat Bride!

Step 2. OMG I love all these crazy creative ideas I’m finding- especially for venues! People get married in caves! In bookstores! Underwater! They have 5 total guests and wear handmade leather bustiers and use tin can centerpieces and it all looks awesome! I’m so amped to plan my alterna-wedding!

Step 3. Max out on non-traditional ideas like getting married in the heart of a bird sanctionary, in a hot air balloon, an antique bike shop, a discovery museum, an abandoned roller skating rink, etc. Adjust food choices thematically from hot dogs to custom grilled cheese sandwiches to fancy foodie strolling dinners to cake on a stick.

Step 4. Notice lots of other brides start off with ‘cool’ ideas (a mountain top! A fishing boat! A grungy rock club!) and end up at catering halls. Wonder briefly why they ‘quit’ and continue to research airplane hangars and medical-oddity museums.

Step 5. Realize that I do want: to hold the reception on a Friday or Saturday night; to serve dinner (or at least a lot of food); to have said dinner be yummy and of a good quality; to have seating for elderly and, well, everyone; to have everyone in the same room; to have normal, plentiful bathroom facilities; to have a dance floor and lots of rump-shaking dance music; to spend no more than the national average; to invite a reasonable but not especially small number of family and friends; …basically, I want a lot of things found in ‘typical’ weddings, afterall. Hm.

Step 6. Chic little art galleries, local bars and cramped historical homes do not offer enough space for the whole guest list. Also, when reviewing said guest list, the mantra “I’m alternative and my wedding will reflect that, damn it!” fades a little when I try to picture our 80 year old grandmothers seated inside large industrial blinged-out shipping crates, or perched on teensy mod stools placed precariously above indoor lakes in riotously neon nightclubs. Or my north Jersey, Coors Lite-loving cousins settling in at the test kitchen of a renowned (by me, anyway) liquor store to sample cocktails with no fewer than 11 ingredients each. Most weddings are ‘typical’ because when you’re dealing with 125+ people of different backgrounds and tastes, the few things the majority of them all agree on are that they want decent food, plentiful (normal) drinks and good music (and a comfortable place to sit). Hence the prolificacy of catering halls.

Step 7. Begin to absorb just how much effort would need to go into a lot of these unconventional wedding locations.

{Here is an incomplete list of things I would need to find, pay for, and coordinate myself: tables, chairs, linens, cutlery, glasses, bar set up (mixers, mix-ins, fruit, garnishes, shakers, blenders, ice, places to keep ice, portable refrigerators etc), liquor, permits, insurance, bathroom facilities, clean up/trash collecting, security and staff, food, drink, cake, servers, people to place centerpieces, hang decorations, bring out the cake and coordinate dinner time… oh, and each of these things has its own fee, plus tax, plus often a 20% gratuity. So sure, the rooftop of a former piano factory turned loft apartment building is cheap on it’s own, but when combined with everything else, it becomes more expensive than the nice restaurant next door. And that hotel in New Jersey is a lot more feasible for our guests than the base of an Icelandic volcano. Also, the hotel and restaurant have in-house event planners included in the price who do all the worrying for you. Read that last part again “ …[person] who will do all the worrying for you.” A designated worrier. Where have you been my whole anxious, OCD life?}

Step 8. Realize that while I haven’t exactly been dreaming of my wedding my whole life like a David Tutera worshipping pouf princess, I have had a picture of it in my mind, and radically, it involves me wearing a white dress and walking down the aisle of my mother’s church. It also definitely included me being nervous about nothing but saying “I Do” in the right place. I did not dream I’d be worrying that the bathroom trailer got dropped off in the caterer’s spot or that the DJ booth won’t fit through the ancient front door or that the pigeons haven’t been completely roused from their winter roosts in the ceiling. 

Step 9. Wrestle with my opposing visions of getting married in an architecturally beautiful but probably impractical former Carousel House (without heat or A/C, kitchen facilities or bathrooms), and my vision of enjoying my wedding day without being my usual bundle of nerves multiplied by being my own defacto wedding coordinator. Decide that maybe if I want to have a cool, weird wedding that only I and a few friends will truly enjoy, I should just do that with them, and not try to squeeze 100 of our unwitting family members into a tugboat. But if I want 100 people to come out and have a good time with us, in this case, compromise is best. Finally beginning to see that many of those offbeat ‘quitters’ were probably just smart girls who wanted to make their guests happy, as well as avoid giving themselves an aneurysm.

Step 10. Remember that personality is all in the details. By choosing a venue that takes care of the large but tedious parts (tables, chairs, food, liquor etc) you can focus on the cool, fun stuff, in smaller and easier ways. In high school, wearing green velevt Doc Martens was not enough for me- I had to pair them with, say, outfits constructed entirely of vinyl. As an adult, I am pleased to say I have tempered my propensity for excess. (I’ve found that many other people are pleased to learn this about me, too.)

Step 11. Step 11 is yet to be completed but involves fully committing to my resolve to make a compromise between what I want and what’s best for everyone, and will culminate in choosing a middleground venue. Which in a way, I think, makes me even more offbeat, because I’m not falling into the MeMeMeMeMe/It’s MY day/Bridezilla mentality, which to me is like subtley or not-so-subtely telling everyone from guests to your fiance to SUCK IT. And choosing to be practical is also Offbeat- at least when you contrast it with insisting you enter the reception on wires descending from the ceiling, or arriving in a fake pumpkin carriage, or spending a year's salary on one day. In the age of bridezilla, being reasonable is revolutionary.

I want to add that I LOOOOVE so many of the offbeat ideas I see on Offbeat Bride, and in fact love a lot of the ideas I mentioned above, and give mad props to anyone who pulls them off. Unfortunately I’m realizing that many of them, location-wise, are just not feasible for us, both financially and for the sake of our guests- and my overthinking worrywart personality. Low stress trumps originality in this case. {A message from my mental health advisor.}

My Classic Tranquil Country Lakefront Destination Wedding

I just returned from an annual business trip at The Otesaga in Cooperstown, NY. On Saturday night a wedding was held in one of the ballrooms and it got me to thinking… here’s a way to solve the Jersey/NYC wedding location debate: choose neither and have a destination wedding to upstate New York!

Michael loves the idea of a getting married on an island, but we didn’t think it would work for many of our guests, so we didn’t really pursue it. However, this place is within driving distance, so I spent my working weekend viewing it from a bridal perspective.

The biggest draw is the setting. The hotel is situated on the base of beautiful Lake Otsego. No other buildings are in sight- just the glimmerglass lake surrounded by rolling hills densely covered in trees.

Located in the village of Cooperstown, NY, in the historic ‘Glimmer Glass’ section- a lovely little town. Nearby is both a farmer’s museum and another museum featuring the New York State Historical Society’s collections; an opera house and theatre festival; and the Empire State Carousel (housed in it’s own little Carousel House!), plus the cutest little sheep farm. And, of course, the Baseball Hall of Fame. The hotel, a Top 50 golf resort open since 1909, has tennis courts, a pool, and the top-rated Leatherstocking golf course. (God I sound like a catalogue!) Cooperstown is deep in the country- the rolling hills and farms of upstate New York.

The hotel itself is gorgeous and has a shabby chic vibe (without the shabby part). Each room has a painted chandelier and a view of either the great lawn or the lake. The food is great, it has multiple bars, and the staff is amazing. Maybe I’ve been in NYC too long, but I cannot get over how friendly everyone is!

They brought this to me for my birthday!

The ballrooms are grand but with a country feel to them- striped chairs, flower patterned curtains, lattice covered windows. It gives the stately mansion a cozy vibe.

Cocktail hour can be held in one of the club rooms but the best choice is on the veranda. There are two ballrooms, on one of which can be split into two smaller rooms or opened up to fit well over 200 people. Lodging includes meals- their breakfast buffet is legendary. Our dinner menus are always great- every year I come back from the trip a few pounds heavier!

And there’s also the option of a winter wedding- the resort is usually closed between Thanksgiving and March, but will reopen just for weddings in the colder months- so you have the entire place to yourself, plus I’m sure the rates would be a steal.

I like the idea of being somewhere completely ‘other’- it’s not the shore, it’s not the city. If we do the summer time, our sports loving guests will have lots of options, and I think everyone would enjoy the beautiful, tranquil setting. It is a good 4-5 hour drive, though, and the hotel rooms aren’t cheap (although I haven’t gotten the wedding discounted room rate yet), so the question is, is this too much to ask of our guests? It’s almost guaranteed that many people will not be able to make the trip.

This is for real!

One thing I can be sure of, they would be wonderful to work with, since I already know the whole staff well- they’re great people. The manager already started telling me about extras you can add, like a fire pit and a s’mores station (!!!). They can set up a tent out on the lawn, or croquet or bocce ball. Plus, decorating would be so fun- this is the kind of place you can do cute, crafty DIY projects for, or just pretty flowers. No high-falutin concepts needed!

Okay, this is just a thought, so don’t go freaking out if you’re probably going to be a wedding guest and hate the idea of travelling- this is a long shot. In the meantime, enjoy the view!